Men In Black – The Conspiracy

by on October 13, 2005

Coming home from work seems to be a time when I can think slightly creatively. This is a pity, since I’m paid to do that while I’m at work, but the sheer cacophony and chaos of the office I work in kills that stone dead about 20 mins after the morning coffee. Today, for instance, somebody’s PC fan started running in emergency cooling mode. This, combined with the telephones, keyboard tapping, seemingly constant car alarms and the (yes) children’s’ playground outside, made it feel like we were all riding a Boeing 747 to hell. None of us did anything about it of course, and least of all IT. If I were managing a company that supposedly traded on creative thinking, I’d… oh, never mind.

Now I’ve got the griping over with, my theme today is conspiracy cookery. All good conspiracies have to start somewhere then obtain a life of their own. So, let’s get cracking.

It occurs to me that there is something strange surrounding the Hollywood blockbuster “The Men In Black.” As far back as 1947, a phenomenon known as the “men in black” has been reported as collateral evidence around UFO sightings, and in particular, landings and abductions. One of the most interesting accounts of these men is given in 1976 by Dr Herbert Hopkins, an American psychiatrist. Hokpins had no previous link with this field, except that he had been treating a youth who claimed to have been abducted by aliens.

I was alone in the house. The telephone rang and the voice on the other end identified itself
as a member of a New Jersey UFO research organization. I agreed that he could talk with me about
the abduction case. He said that he would be right over. I walked from the telephone in the hallway
to turn on a light and the man was already coming up the stairs. If he was as close as across the
street, or even next door, he couldn’t have possibly gotten here so soon. His attire struck me as
a little odd. He wore a neatly tailored black suit, black shoes, black socks, and a black tie.
He also wore a black Derby. I thought, ‘God, this man looks like an undertaker.’ We sat down and
I said to myself, ‘This character is as bald as an egg.’ He didn’t have any eyebrows or eyelashes
and his skin was a dead white colour. His nose was very small and it came down to just above the
upper lip. His lips were ruby red. He had the appearance of a clothing store dummy. His sump
looked as if it had never been worn before. … I got a little uneasy when he ordered me to destroy
the tapes and any other correspondence and anything to do with UFOs. He said that if I didn’t
do so I would suffer the same fate as Barney Hill” [a renowned ‘contactee’ who had died under
mysterious circumstances].

The Sony Pictures film is a trashy comedy that became very popular. But what better way to bury the truth about the Men than by getting Hollywood to make a comedy about them? Any subsequent reference to the real men in black will now only be met with laughter, and even serious examination will be tainted by the suspicion that the reporter is merely “projecting” ideas in the film. Has this particularly Orwellian technique been successfully applied?

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More of the same
I was thinking along these lines last night after watching a blockbuster documentary about the history of UFO sightings – the main thrust of which was that the CIA and US Government encouraged the belief in UFOs to mask their own research into advanced flying craft.

What intrigued me most was the presenter’s final suggestion that the US are secretly flying incredibly advanced hypersonic craft out of Area 51 even today. The thing which struck me is that the US is pumping billions of dollars into publicised research projects into hypersonic craft (such as Nasa’s X-34A scramjet) which are still at a very early, primitive stage – and here the presenter was suggesting that in fact they already have things which are far more sophisticated (but secret)

Which leaves me wondering – if they really do have these ultra-secret high technology craft which are far more in advance than things like the X-34A, space shuttle and so on, the billions they throw at the public research projects must be no more than a ruse to hide the existence of the far more advanced craft. Either that, or all the rumours are no more than fantasy. I know I prefer the idea that they will perversely waste billions of taxpayers money solely to pretend they don’t know how to do things they are already doing.

Yes, I do think about this too much
And another thing – if the US military really does have these incredibly sophisticated hypersonic pulse-drive air breathing craft (possibly built with alien technology) what on earth do they use it for?

When they actually go to war (which they do depressingly often) the technology they use most, and most effectively, is all at least 40 years old; the big, lumbering, 1950s B52 bomber and the AC130 gunship – an antique, slow, prop-driven modified hercules with a big fucking gun sticking out of the side. Admittedly they do send out their stealth bombers now and then, but they are so goddamn expensive to fly, requiring regular repaints and massive maintenance crews, that they don’t go out on sorties that often. And even then, it’s hardly necessary to have a radar evading stealth craft when bombing the shit out of a country with no more defences than a few RPG toting militants. When they do attempt to use something more modern, such as a helicopter, they fall out of the sky with entertaining regularity. And as far as I can tell, the B1-B, their supersonic replacement for the B52, which incidentally is just about the most beautiful aeroplane ever built, hardly gets used at all.

I can only imagine that their alien-assisted hypersonic pulse-driven supercraft are so advanced and so secret that they don’t dare use them for fear of letting the cat out of the bag, so to speak. Either that or they simply don’t have them – but that would be no fun, no fun at all.

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